Like pulling teeth

A few years ago, we put together a family cookbook as our Christmas gift to each family unit of the extended clan. Let me state: If you're thinking of doing the same, START AT LEAST TWO YEARS IN ADVANCE! (Yes, I was yelling just now.)

We sent out an email request for recipes, pictures and family stories to accompany the recipes; that was. . . oh, sometime in September, I think. When we'd received recipes from exactly two people by late October, I sent out another email. Here follows the exchange, edited to protect goodwill and family relationships:

Hi, all--

OK, since you all ignored the first request, I'll simplify it. Please send 3-5 of your family's favorite recipes by email. Forget the stories and pictures . . . FORGET IT!! Just send the recipes AT LEAST!

The lack of response from my siblings is inexcusable. We, however, thought that we had a few months given the lack of any deadline. We will forward the recipes and pictures soon.

[Name withheld]

I realize I didn't give a deadline, and this was a mistake on my part.
I want the pictures and vignettes last week. Thank you.

I don't know who you people are. Please take me off your email.
-Doug
[Note: Doug is a fictitious member of the family who shows up in family reunion photos and has a place set for him at the holiday table when we get together.]

Dear (if I may be so bold) Doug,
Do you have any recipes to share?

Yes,
Hamburgers, hotdogs, spaghetti, raisins and corn.
Yours truly,
Doug

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I had the following email exchange with my beloved sister, a marvelous and creative cook who worked off and on in the food industry for years (and went to Cheley Camp and Yale):

Dear [name withheld],
I'm on the phone with you right now!
Please email me, stat, some of your favorite recipes-especially ones you've created.

I have no new faves other than our family recipes. None. The turkey. Corn/tom casserole. Colcannon. Dad's carrots. The baked beans.
Nothing new here for years. I don't cook anymore. Haven't for a long long time.
Can we still be related?

Dad's baked beans. Good thinking!

Mom's dilled cuke salad. Dad's cole slaw.

The cuke salad with garlic salt? We make that all the time!
Are you thinking of a diff one with dill? Remind me, please!
Cole slaw=yes, but I need you to construct the recipe, please.

And here is the recipe she sent. It's good, too. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

Fine shredded cabbage
Salt
Dill weed
One fine chopped onion (optional)
Diced garden toms
Mayonnaise (NOT Miracle Whip or some form of salad dressing)
Green olives (optional)

The majority of the recipes came in too late to publish the book for that Christmas. Two Christmases later, the book made it under everyone's tree.